Season 1: Episode 4: My Old Lady

I don’t think about death a lot and I am not sure why.

Maybe it’s because I had one of those almost-died experiences due to a car accident. Or maybe those times when I have been surrounded by the death of others, I didn’t fully understand or comprehend what was actually going on. Or maybe I didn’t allow myself to understand because I didn’t want to deal with it.

But I think the real reason I have never really thought about it is that there has never been much point to me. There are a lot of theories about death – whether it be about someone seeing a bright light, or about the pivotal life events flashing through their mind, and to think about something I will never have the ability to understand, seems… well, like a waste of time. Or at least that's what I tell myself, but in reality, it is just a fairly good defense mechanism.

I think its more than death, its about the unknown. We really are not sure how the story is going to play itself out. And it’s the unknown that sparks our fear, our anxiety, and our uncertainty.

I think the other reason I don’t ever think about death is due to the clichés that people tend to say, that are never helpful. Things like, “Its going to be okay,” or “they are in a better place now” or “they would want us to be happy.”

Whether or not those things are true sentiments, I think the real deal is that we are afraid to deal with grief. It is not a comfortable emotion. It is not invigorating, it doesn't feel redeeming, and so we try to avoid it.

In this episode, JD begins to face death for the first time as a doctor. I think we expect doctor’s to have more knowledge than we do, so its always been refreshing to me that doctor’s struggle to wrap their ideas around death. J.D.’s struggle seems to be with his own mortality rather than the death of his patient… here watch…

I don’t understand grief at all. I mean, I understand the concept and the emotions behind it, and I even feel like I have lots of technical answers when others are faced with a deep grief. But I don't understand the depth and worth of it all. I guess one reason is so that when we feel real, true joy, the experience is that much more valuable, especially in relation to the depth of grief.

“Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in the Bible. But there is an undercurrent about grief and death that runs much deeper than the two words express.

We read the story in John 11. His dear friend Lazarus is sick. Instead of responding right away, Jesus waits with his disciples and they eventually get word that Lazarus has died. And Jesus weeps. The Son of God, the Word, the One who was there at the beginning of creation weeps out of his deep feeling of grief.

I think its because Jesus knows that this isn’t how the story was supposed to end. And I don’t mean Lazarus’ story because he ends up raising him from the dead. But the story of humanity was not supposed to end in death.

He weeps for the loss of his friend. And for himself, for the emotions he is feeling. And he weeps for us. He longs to tell us that there is a better way. That the point of life was not supposed to end in being cut off from those you love and who love you. But he cant say all that, the disciples barely understood the things he did say. And so Jesus weeps for all of creation and knows that he must show us that he can conquer death, only by dying.

But in the mean time, before that is to happen, he grieves. He doesn’t offer empty words or promises, Jesus weeps for his friend that he misses. He weeps for the family, for Lazarus’ sisters, that he could not be there with them. And he teaches us a lot about ourselves and about death. That it is okay to grieve, to experience hurt, that these emotions are not some sign of weakness or lack of trust in the promise of eternity, but valid emotions.

May we know that Jesus has conquered death. May we know that its okay to grieve. May we be present with those who are suffering, because we can find hope in the creator of everything weeps for his friends. But may our greater hope lie in the fact that Jesus conquered death, that is not how our story ends, and may we live out of that hope.